Looking back, I think one of the most pivotal moments in my life was my decision to tell someone a long guarded secret about myself. It isn't something I have spoken about on my blog before, but I suffered sexual abuse as a child.
I had been seeing my boyfriend for a little while when we started hitting a problem. We both wanted to sleep together but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Every time we got close, I would stop completely, sometimes bursting into tears. He said we could wait but I was scared it could jeopardize our relationship, which was otherwise great. But it didn't take long for him to work out that something was very wrong.
I nearly ended the whole thing there and then. But I was otherwise so happy with him that I decided to finally tell someone what had happened to me. I could barely get the words out but I think, to an extent, he knew what I was going to say. He was brilliant; very sympathetic and understanding. I had always thought that if I told a boyfriend what had happened to me, he would run a mile. I admit, it is a lot to deal with and not everyone would able to handle it.
Our relationship was by no means easy. There were probably more downs than ups for quite a while. But two years later, my boyfriend proposed to me. Now he's my Other Half and we have our Little Monster. I never thought I could have a normal adult relationship, thinking that I would never get over the things that had happened during my childhood. But, for the most part, I have managed to put it behind me. I have never been happier than I am now, although I do still struggle with some PTSD related problems. If I had never told anyone, I probably would never have formed a relationship with anyone, or else I would have forced myself into one and been even more miserable than I already was. I certainly wouldn't have my Little Monster, something completely unimaginable now. I have everything I could have wished for, perhaps minus a mansion and a big bag of cash! Telling someone was the best decision I have ever made and one of the most pivotal moments of my life.
I urge anyone who has suffered abuse that if you find someone you can trust enough, tell them about it. Its a huge relief and the first step on a path to being much happier.
