Meet The Mummy, The Housewife, The Wife, The Best Friend and The Student

My entire blog is based around the theme of juggling the different aspects of my life. I have found that, to manage my life effectively, I actually need to be five different people. Let me introduce you to them.

No. 1 The Mummy

This is the person I become when playing with my Little Monster. I am completely without shame as I dance around my living room, sing "The Wheels on the Bus" in public and pretend to be a fierce monster who will eat up small children. My main goals are entertaining my daughter and generally having lots of very immature fun, while teaching her lots of important things like how to read.

No. 2 The Housewife

This is the person that pops up when its time to make dinner, get the laundry done or get the flat cleaned up after Mummy and The Little Monster have finished making a mess of it. I am sensible, organised and a little irritable. My goals are to have a clean and tidy flat and a healthy yet tasty meal on the table that has been cooked entirely from scratch. Unfortunately, I don't appear as often as I perhaps should.

No. 3 The Wife

This person has actually existed since I was seventeen but back then was called The Girlfriend, only three years ago becoming The Wife. I am flirtatious, confident and get up to things that would cause The Mummy to blush and The Housewife to tut and shake her head in disapproval (though probably just to cover her jealousy). Many people seem to believe that I disappeared long ago when the Little Monster was born but actually I just don't come out as often as I used to. I usually appear after about 9pm and perhaps during nap time, plus the occasional naughty text message conversation with the Other Half during the day. But it's not all about the sex, I'm also the one that likes a cuddle on the sofa in the evening.

No. 4 The Best Friend

I have known the Other Half for a very long time. For a few years, before The Girlfriend came along, we were just friends. The Best Friend is someone I still become for a little while each day, usually more at weekends. Me and the Other Half play computer and board games, watch comedy films and generally have a good laugh. I am also there for the Other Half when he needs to talk about something or asks for advice that doesn't involve the flat or our daughter.

No. 5  The Student

Though I am called The Student, I am also the part that blogs and writes and reads novels. I am academic, imaginative and, it could be said, a bit selfish. Unlike the other four, I am focussed entirely on myself and my own development and goals. Some days, I am around for hours. Sometimes I am bubbling beneath the surface, desperate to come out and spend some time sitting at the laptop or curled up on the sofa with a good book. Sometimes I am suppressed for days at a time, such as if the Little Monster is ill and needs looking after.

During the course of a day, I have to switch between these personalities at a moment's notice. If The Wife is enjoying some very adult time with the Other Half but there's a sudden noise over the baby monitor, The Mummy needs to appear pretty quickly. They can be a little interchangeable. A combination of The Mummy and The Housewife, for example, gives the rather delightful result of doing the hoovering while dancing to the Queen classic, "I want to break free" (You'll only know why this is delightful if you have seen the video. If you haven't watched it, go away and do so immediately, assuming the cave you're living in has sufficient internet for youtube).

I suppose all parents share this need for switching quickly between roles. The Other Half has the daily task of switching from Daddy mode to Work mode, which must be difficult. I think the typical problem for many couples comes when its time to conjure up their sexual alter-egos when they're completely knackered from being Mummy and Daddy all day long. The key to happiness seems to be getting the balance of each role just right. If anyone figures out how to do that, please let me know.

Sugar and spice and everything nice...not necessarily

For centuries, women were treated as inferior to men. Indeed, this is still the case in some cultures, though I shan't get into all that here. It took a great deal of struggle for this to change and I believe, for the most part in Britain, it has. Of course, every now and then you'll find some bloke who seems to think women are only good for housework, childcare and occasionally getting his leg over. But nowadays, these men are seen as ignorant and old fashioned and simply wrong.

However, sexism from women seems to be on the increase. Barely a day seems to go by without hearing a fellow female making sweeping generalisations about men. They're insensitive. They're lazy. They can't possibly love their children as much as a woman can. They couldn't possibly handle the responsibilities of running a household. Some even go as far as to claim that men are, without exception, lying, cheating, violent monsters. 

Some women I have encountered seem to think that I'm subscribing to a 50s housewife lifestyle because I make the Other Half dinner when he gets home from work or because I have the good manners to check that he'd be available to babysit before I arrange an evening out with friends. What I should do, apparently, is insist that he cook every night and let him know on my way out of the door that he's looking after our child for the evening. A friend once said that she wouldn't be able to make it to playgroup the next week because her husband had a day off work and she wanted to spend it with him. A mutual friend present gave her a look of disgust mixed with utter bewilderment. Heaven forbid we enjoy time with our partners!

Of course, there is domestic violence in the world. There are terrible men who are violent, controlling and cruel. But they're not lurking around every corner! I actually think that by spreading the idea that all men are such creatures, you make it more likely that a victim is going to assume her life is quite normal and keep on with it. I've met some real monsters amongst the male sex and I haven't let that shape my opinion of men in general. Other kinds of prejudice are seen as unacceptable and I don't understand why this doesn't seem to be seen as exactly the same.  Cruelty and laziness are not traits restricted to men. Women can lie and cheat and be every bit as idle as any man could be.

So, ladies, lets try to be a bit kinder to the other sex. They don't deserve such vicious generalisations any more than we do. 

The In Laws are Coming

My post title would strike fear into the hearts of many women. Indeed, some of my mummy friends would regard a visit from The Mother In Law as favourably as a visit from the four horseman of the apocalypse. This is mostly because many Mother In Laws are overbearing, critical and, most annoyingly of all, believe that the sun shines directly from their little boy's backside. This is why I am forever thankful for my mother-in-law. We don't have all the same ideas when it comes to raising a child and she has snuck the odd spoon of ice cream into my daughter's mouth when I'm not watching but compared to some horror stories I've heard of monsters-in-law who delight in making their victim daughter in law feel as though she is absolutely the worst wife and mother who has ever lived, I think I'm pretty lucky. She also regularly offers that if the Other Half misbehaves, she'll sort him out. He'd like to laugh that off but I reckon nothing gets to a bloke like being told off by Mummy. Plus, she's fairly complementary about me as the woman bringing up her grand daughter and looking after her son.

News of the upcoming visit next week has, however, sent me into a frenzy of cleaning and organising. Its not that my house isn't usually clean and tidy, its just that my standards change drastically when I know that visitors are expected. My attitude changes from "That'll do" to "It must be perfect!". This may sound strange but the fact that the Other Half is busy getting ready for his amateur dramatics group's performance next week, which he is partially directing and therefore is at home much less than usual is actually rather handy. Don't misunderstand me, I love having him around but my productivity increases by a large degree if he's elsewhere. Of course, The Little Monster doesn't make things easy. I already attempted to make her room look less like some sort of Toy Bomb had just been detonated in there. But within minutes of my efforts being complete, she'd emptied the toy box all over the carpet again. My plan of action is to make sure she's really tired at 8:30 so that she'll go straight to bed and to sleep so that I can carry on with the Great Tidy Up. Added to this, I have a 1000 word essay to plan and write by Sunday evening. Wish me luck!

Rant-free sentimentality

I must warn you from the beginning of this post; I'm in a bit of a sentimental mood. A good sentimental mood though. The kind of mood where I'm remembering everything I really should feel grateful and happy for every moment of the day. Too often, I'm far too busy grumbling about something silly to realise how lucky I am.

Firstly, there's the other half. Yes, he's not perfect and we do argue. But we also laugh a lot. We sing along to songs together. We far too often simultaneously decide at some point past midnight that we both quite fancy ordering a cheeky takeaway. We can talk endlessly about nothing at all. We both love having a cuddle on the sofa while watching a nice film. He knows when I need a tub of Ben & Jerry's and when I need to be told to get off my backside and get on with my day because he knows I'd regret it if I didn't. He knows all my secrets and I'm fairly sure I know all of his. Plus, he's a pretty bloody brilliant father to the next person on my list of things to be grateful for.

My daughter. Yes, like most 2 year olds, she throws tantrums and sometimes won't stay in bed at night and is clingy at just the time I need to make dinner or carry out some other vital task. But she's also rather amazing. She learns something new every day, if not every hour. She makes me smile like a fool when she whispers "Love you Mummy" in my ear. I marvel constantly that I've created (with help, obviously) such a unique, funny, clever, beautiful little girl. She makes me laugh with delight when she dances around our living room whenever any music comes on. She makes me completely forget that I'm actually very self concious and that singing children's songs in public should really embarrass me. 

My home. We moved here about six months ago and I've never loved a place more. Our little flat is my favourite place I've ever lived. It has it's faults but never has anywhere felt more like a home. Plus it's come with the massive bonus of having two bedrooms so that me and the other half can have some private couple time, to put it delicately, in our own room rather than safely out of earshot in the living room, as we used to in our previous flat. Everything we could need is close by and everyone here is so friendly. My postman helped carry my bags of rubbish downstairs the other day because he could see I was struggling with the pushchair. The supermarket staff are entirely understanding and lovely on the rare occasion when the little monster takes some form of confectionery from a shelf and makes a gooey mess of it or even worse manages to get it out of the shop without me noticing. 

I have many other things to also be grateful for. Some lovely new friends who have made me feel very welcome in our new neighbourhood. My other half's lovely relatives who have made me feel at least partly connected to their family. Our financial situation may be a bit crap at the moment and we're on a constant budget but we're hardly short on material possessions. All in all, I think I've got it pretty good. Actually, very good. I think its important to remember that, from time to time. 

Greetings and Welcome

Hello Readers, welcome to my blog. I plan to share with you my experiences of being a stay at home, a wife and a student. I have started this blog because, quite simply, I love to write. My dream career is to become a professional writer and if that's ever to happen, I probably get as much practice as possible. A secondary reason would be that I hope to amuse and inform other students, stay at home mothers and wives (and indeed fathers and husbands). Or I least hope that I don't cause anyone to feel that they have wasted precious moments by reading my ramblings. Yes, that is something I should warn you of at this point: I am a rambler. I regularly veer off subject and natter away about something completely unrelated until everyone involved has entirely forgotten what the subject was to begin with. As if to prove this point, I have now started rambling about rambling. Oh dear.

A bit of background, perhaps. I married my best friend in 2009. Later that year, our daughter was born. Roughly a year later, I started my Open University Degree. This decision took a lot of thought before I finally registered. It was a daunting prospect; I was already looking after a very energetic and, especially at the time, clingy little one year old full time. Could I really cope with studying at university level aswell? Now on my second module, I seem to be managing fairly well. My study hours are limited to when my daughter sleeps. This was simple whilst she still napped during the day but now that naps only happen after long journeys in the pushchair, all of my studying really has to be done after her bedtime. Of course, some evenings I'd much rather be lounging on the sofa, television remote in one hand, spoon in the other and a tub of ice cream on my lap. But luckily the courses seem to be structured to allow for this kind of indulgence. For this reason, and for the great sense of accomplishment gained, a highly recommend Open University learning to anyone who wishes to further their education but already has many demands on their time, be it small children hanging on your legs (my daughter likes to do this) or a full time job. 

As for being a stay at home mum, I mostly like it. There are times that I long for the adult conversation that comes with employment but the internet is very useful for days when we're stuck indoors and I'm very concerned that the song stuck in my head is the theme tune to 'In the Night Garden'. My little monster is two years old and so very clever and over dramatic (both traits she has gained from her father). I am constantly amazed at how quickly she learns new things. 

I shall leave my first post here and look forward to many posts to come. Thank you for reading.